


Asthenization

by amaresu



Category: Dispatches From Goddamn Space
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 10:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2809067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaresu/pseuds/amaresu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why was Abrams the only one to notice anything wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asthenization

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aunt_zelda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aunt_zelda/gifts).



Later will come the inquiry. The messy divorce will come to light, the daughter who choose to live with her mother, the psych evaluations that were glossed over and suppressed because Mission Specialist Marcus was “so experienced” and they “couldn't afford to scrub the mission”. 

Previously there was the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach during the days leading up to the launch. Finding Marcus sitting and staring at pictures of his daughter. The bright and happy smile that always felt like it was about to crack. The cheerful discussions of what he was going to do for her birthday and the realization that they'd be in space during it so nothing Marcus said could possibly happen. How excited Marcus was about the school project, or more accurately, how excited Marcus seemed while his eyes just looked dead.

Now though is the creeping realization that they'd either been given far too many rations or Marcus had stopped eating all of his share. There is no way to contact Mission Control without Marcus knowing because Marcus is just always there. Showing up at the worst moments with a, “Hey Abrams,” or “Why don't you let me do the check in today?”, or even “Abrams, man, why do you have that computer all the way back here? You're not trying to hide something from me are you?” The last said with that creepy bright smile and the dead eyes. 

It gets worse once they start communicating with the fucking school children. The inane questions (and they are inane and stupid and he agrees with Marcus that the teachers were clearly failing at their jobs for not screening them or sending in some fakes) just seem to drive Marcus closer to the edge. The only bright point is that NASA must know what's going on because they monitor the transmissions. Not to mention the teachers had to have let NASA know about the way Marcus was acting. Although, they hadn't exactly inspired Abrams to believe in their ability to pay attention to anything. For all he knew they weren't even in the goddamn room during the transmissions. 

Things get tense for the first few days after the initial contact with the kids and then Marcus gets quiet. Abrams finds him sitting and staring at that damn notebook, not writing anything most of the time, but looking at the doodles in it. It's a week before he realizes that it's one of Marcus's daughter's notebooks. Still he can't fucking contact Mission Control because Marcus is always there, even when he wasn't two seconds ago when Abrams fucking checked to see where the fuck he was.

All of which makes the spacewalk the most terrifying experience of his life. Not because of space and the cold, atmosphereless, void surrounding him. It's terrifying because of the way Marcus waved him off with a cheery, “I'll say hi to the kids for you!” It's terrifying because of the way Marcus had been looking at the walls, floor, and ceiling, sometimes pulling on different parts, smiling that cheerful dead smile whenever he caught him. He doesn't spend any excess time during the repairs. No stopping to just look at the vastness of space or just how fucking amazing Earth looks. Out and back in as quickly as possible and it's still not quick enough.

The rations, all of the rations, every last bit of food they had piled up neatly and strapped to the wall of the airlock is the first hint something is wrong. The inability to open the inner door the second. Marcus's note explaining the situation the third. If you can call something that says   
_Abrams,_

_I've determined that the only possible course of action is to leave Earth far behind. You should have adequate supplies for the duration._

_-Marcus_  
a note explaining the situation. Which he very much doesn't. So instead he bangs on the door until the speaker in the wall crackles to life, “Hello, Abrams. What seems to be the problem?”

He doesn't call Marcus a maniac or rant or do any of the things he'd like to do. Instead he very calmly responds, “What the hell did you do to the door?”

“I sealed it,” is the far too calm response. “I found every piece of non-essential material on the ship and bolted it to the door.”

He doesn't explain that there is no non-essential material on the ship, he does take a deep breath before replying, “Why?”

Marcus sounds genuinely confused, “Didn't you get my note? It's all there.” 

“I found it, but I don't think you really covered everything that was happening.” He's leaning against the bolted shut door now, hoping that Marcus will just let himself be talked out of this. 

“Leaving Earth far behind, supplies for you, that about covers it.” Marcus is matter of fact about it all. “Now stop making so much noise or the outer door may find itself opening again.”

He doesn't say anything after that and neither does Marcus. He can picture Marcus in his mind now, cheerful smile gone and just the dead eyes left. He allows himself a brief period of time to panic and freak out because he won't get anything done if he doesn't let himself do that. It's the stars outside the porthole of the outer door that eventually catch his attention though. They're moving the wrong way and he suddenly and forcefully realizes what Marcus means by leaving Earth far behind. They are literally leaving Earth. He'd thought that perhaps Marcus was going to attempt suicide, and he clearly was, but he didn't realize Marcus intended to take everything else with him. The pile of rations had implied that Marcus was just going to let his body consume itself. As morbid as it was he could have waited out a rescue mission. 

But now there's no way a rescue mission could reach them in time.

He has to be quiet, so quiet, because Marcus can't suspect anything. Not until he's out of the airlock at least. But he's got tools, industrial, hand-held, space tools. Designed to work in space and with them he manages to break through the side paneling and into the walls. He starts to panic towards the end because Marcus hears him and he can hear over the radio, “Abrams what are you doing in there? What's that noise? I told you what would happen if you made noise.”

He doesn't think about the fact that he had to leave his suit, it was too big and clunky to work in. Instead he propped it against the wall, like a grown up astronaut version of pillows under the covers to disguise that he was gone. The ration pile blocks his entry point into the wall from the cameras, but only barely. The next few minutes are a blur as he can hear the airlock preparing to open, the oxygen being sucked from the room. It's a frantic race through the wall and he's not entirely sure how he made it. He becomes aware of his surroundings again to find himself pressed up against the wall of a storage cupboard with a hand over his mouth to hide the sound of his breathing. 

The next day and half are a frenzy of adrenaline fueled moments patched together. Staying one step ahead of Marcus as he searches the ship. The inability to stay completely quiet while working his way through the ship. The lack of food as the rations are still in the airlock. 

Later Marcus's daughter will hug him until the FBI forcefully separates them. She'll yell after them, “I'm sorry I said I hated you! I love you daddy!” Later there will be a very public trial. Later Abrams will testify about how his concerns were ignored and how he doesn't blame Marcus for what happened. Later a large number of people will lose their jobs. Later NASA's integrity as an organization will be examined and found wanting. Later the private space industry will take off.

Now he has to strategically fall out of the ceiling, take Marcus down, finish that stupid fucking goddamn broadcast to the stupid elementary kids, force feed Marcus some food, and call Mission control. And then maybe get some sleep. After securing Marcus in his bag and cubby.


End file.
